Blue Balls Bakery

Festive gingerbread penis cookies! With Santa hats! And SPRINKLE PUBES! This video tutorial will show you how to create a flaccid penis wearing a Santa hat even if you don't have a Santa hat cookie cutter. Everyone already has a flaccid penis cookie cutter, right? The cookie recipe comes from this site , but I've made a few changes to the ingredients and technique. Vegan Gingerbread Cookies Printable recipe Makes 2 to 3 dozen cookies, depending on the size. 1/3 c soy-free Earth Balance, at room temperature 1 c coconut sugar, brown sugar, or evaporated cane sugar 1 c unsulphured molasses 3/4 c water 6 c all-purpose flour 2 tsp baking soda 3/4 tsp kosher salt 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp ground ginger 1/2 tsp cloves 1/2 tsp allspice Vegan Royal Icing sprinkles (optional) In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, or in a large mixing bowl and using a hand mixer, cream together the margarine, sugar, molasses, and 1/2 cup of water.

People are often intimidated by royal icing because the results can look really fancy. This super easy recipe is perfect for piping and flooding cutout cookies, like this gingerbread cat. Easy Vegan Royal Icing Printable recipe Makes enough to pipe and frost one dozen medium cookies. 3 Tbsp Ener-G egg replacer 4 Tbsp water 2 tsp lemon juice 1/2 tsp vanilla extract or lemon extract 3 c powdered sugar gel food coloring (optional) Using an electric mixer, beat the egg replacer and water until thick and frothy. Add the lemon juice and extract. Add the powdered sugar and beat on low until combined. Add food coloring if desired, or divide white icing into multiple bowls and color separately. I always make the entire batch at piping consistency, fill my piping bag with enough to pipe my cookies, then gradually add enough water to turn the rest into flood icing. Icing for piping should be the consistency of thick toothpaste. When you dip a spoon in piping icing and pull it

I had the opportunity to bake for the Cat Care Society 's holiday bake sale, and I knew I wanted to make something extra special. My basic chocolate chip cookie recipe is incredibly easy, and incredibly easy to modify. I've used it as the base for heart-shaped chocolate chip cookies, double chocolate espresso cookies, raspberry ginger cookies, and maple bacon cookies. I thought kitty shaped cookies would be perfect. All packaged and ready to go to the Cat Care Society! Basic Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies Printable recipe Makes 12-20 cookies, depending on size. 2 c unbleached all purpose flour (gluten-free all purpose flour mix works, too!) 1 1/2 tsp cocoa powder 2 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 c chocolate chips 1 c sugar 1/2 c vegetable oil 1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract 1/4 c water Preheat oven to 350º. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.  In a large bowl, mix dry ingredients. Add chocolate chips. Set aside.

Way back in the olden days, I co-owned a little coffee shop in Denver. The traditional version of these cookies was our best seller, and with good reason. THEY ARE DELICIOUS. But the sugar, butter, and milk in the o.g. recipe would probably kill me at this point. With my recent acceptance of my cane sugar intolerance (it only took five years), I modified the recipe to include pure maple syrup. Maple syrup is pretty expensive compared to cane sugar, so if you can tolerate sugar, you can sub in an equal amount of that instead. They were easily veganized by using Earth Balance in place of butter and almond milk in place of regular milk. I know I've said this before, but I think regular EB tastes weird, so I always use the soy-free stuff. Coconut oil would probably work just as well, but I haven't experimented with that. If you're trying to keep these free of cane sugar, use unsweetened almond milk, unless you're awesome and make your own nut milk and sweeten it w

THESE PIES, YOU GUYS. Sweet and spicy and covered in toasted marshmallows. TOASTED FUCKING MARSHMALLOWS. The crunch of a toasted marshmallow is one of my favorite things. And can we talk about pie crust for a minute? Carbs and fat. THE BEST COMBINATION. Golden and flaky and buttery (Earth-Balancy just doesn't have the same ring to it, but you know what I mean). Can you believe I was one of those asshole children who would eat all the guts out of a slice of pie and throw the crust away? If I could travel back in time and slap some sense into that bratty little ginger girl, I would. So, these obviously include pie crust. Just a little bit, though, because these pies are small and too much crust would overpower the filling. Trust me. Now, for the sweetness. Cane sugar and I don't really get along. Pretty shitty problem for a baker, huh? Small amounts don't bother me, but unless I want to dedicate an afternoon to having the shakes, taking a three hour nap, and waki

I firmly believe everyone should know how to make a quick penis cake.  Heh. Firmly. Pretty much appropriate for any occasion, right? Bachelorette party? Duh. Baby shower? A penis most likely was involved in the baby-making, so yes. Quitting your job? Tell them to eat a dick and hand them this cake. See? SO VERSATILE. And it's totally easy! You will need: Eight cupcakes, day-old/refrigerated overnight Dick-worthy plate for display Bowl for collecting cake scraps Parchment paper to cover work surface Three bamboo skewers Pen or marker Serrated knife Flesh colored buttercream frosting Piping bag Flat decorator tip (I used Wilton 150. You could use Wilton 125 for a large cake.) Icing knife/spatula/whatever you call it Glass of hot water Paper towel or dish towel Small square of wax paper (2"x2") Brown sprinkles Soft, fresh cupcakes make this difficult to sculpt. Day-old cupcakes that have lost some moisture work really well and stand up to the serra

A few nights ago, my uterus was all, "Hey! Mom! We want cookies and salty snacks and chocolate and EVERYTHING." Is it weird that my uterus calls me mom? I mean, my cats call me mom, but that's different. Anyway. Ask, little uterus, and you shall receive. Let's make some garbage disposal cookies. I made mine with liquid stevia because I can't handle a lot of sugar. I figured the sugar in the molasses, chocolate chips, and marshmallows was plenty for me. I haven't tried the sugar version of the recipe because I don't want to freak out and feel like shit and have to nap for six hours. Please let me know if you try it, and if 2 teaspoons is too much or too little and I'll adjust the note. Garbage Disposal Cookies  (vegan, gluten-free option, low-sugar option) Makes 6-8 small cookies. Recipe can easily be doubled. printable recipe 1 tsp ground flax seed mixed with 1 Tbsp water 1/4 cup quick-cooking oats 1/4 cup flour of your choice (I us

These cookies came from a desire for fall flavors, mixed with some laziness. I've made a few things from Betty Crocker's gluten-free cookie and cake mixes recently with great results, but I hadn't been brave enough to start adding or changing things beyond subbing in oil and a flax egg. I figured I could just make a few modifications to the chocolate chip cookie mix, hope for the best, and eat whatever pumpkin-flavored mess I pulled out of the oven. I can't believe they turned out as delicious as they did. Just to make sure it was really that easy to make something so yummy, I made them a second time and took them to work. Almost everyone who ate one asked for the recipe. It was a happy day for this little baker girl. So, I made a video. Finally. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but was always to lazy to do it. These cookies are too good to not share. I know. The lighting is terrible, and the video is really choppy, but I'll