Blue Balls Bakery

THESE PIES, YOU GUYS. Sweet and spicy and covered in toasted marshmallows. TOASTED FUCKING MARSHMALLOWS. The crunch of a toasted marshmallow is one of my favorite things. And can we talk about pie crust for a minute? Carbs and fat. THE BEST COMBINATION. Golden and flaky and buttery (Earth-Balancy just doesn't have the same ring to it, but you know what I mean). Can you believe I was one of those asshole children who would eat all the guts out of a slice of pie and throw the crust away? If I could travel back in time and slap some sense into that bratty little ginger girl, I would. So, these obviously include pie crust. Just a little bit, though, because these pies are small and too much crust would overpower the filling. Trust me. Now, for the sweetness. Cane sugar and I don't really get along. Pretty shitty problem for a baker, huh? Small amounts don't bother me, but unless I want to dedicate an afternoon to having the shakes, taking a three hour nap, and waki...

I firmly believe everyone should know how to make a quick penis cake.  Heh. Firmly. Pretty much appropriate for any occasion, right? Bachelorette party? Duh. Baby shower? A penis most likely was involved in the baby-making, so yes. Quitting your job? Tell them to eat a dick and hand them this cake. See? SO VERSATILE. And it's totally easy! You will need: Eight cupcakes, day-old/refrigerated overnight Dick-worthy plate for display Bowl for collecting cake scraps Parchment paper to cover work surface Three bamboo skewers Pen or marker Serrated knife Flesh colored buttercream frosting Piping bag Flat decorator tip (I used Wilton 150. You could use Wilton 125 for a large cake.) Icing knife/spatula/whatever you call it Glass of hot water Paper towel or dish towel Small square of wax paper (2"x2") Brown sprinkles Soft, fresh cupcakes make this difficult to sculpt. Day-old cupcakes that have lost some moisture work really well and stand up to the serra...